Valentine’s Day Gift for Your Relationship: The Listening Door
He Wishes for the Cloths of Heaven
by William Butler Yeats
Had I the heaven’s embroidered cloths,
Enwrought with golden and silver light
The blue and the dim and the dark cloths
Of night and light and the half-light,
I would spread the cloths under your feet:
But I, being poor, have only my dreams;
I have spread my dreams under your feet,
Tread softly because you tread on my dreams
The Listening Door and Dreams
For Valentine’s Day, give each other the gift of deep listening using my Listening Door exercise.
Deep listening is a way to stay connected in your intimate relationship. Deep listening builds up your emotional connection and creates an atmosphere in your relationship of the feeling of being deeply understood.
Deep listening is healing and increases intimacy. It’s a way to shift from being “alone in this” to “together in this.”
William Butler Yeats’ love poem is lyrical and imagistic, speaking to us of love, hope and dreams. In my office, I ask couples to begin the Listening Door exercise by reading the above poem to each other. If they’re feeling too shy to do so, I’ll start off the session with the poem.
Yeats’ words are relevant to developing a feelings of intimacy as isn’t that much of what couples are doing together?
Building their dreams and hopes together?
Hoping our partner will be gentle and kind to our dreams?
In the Listening Door exercise, we seek to understand, not to always be understood. (Of course there needs to be a balance in the relationship here.)
The Listening Door exercise is a great way to develop listening skills.
The Listening Door
“Tread softly for you tread on my dreams”
The Listening Door is:
- a beautiful exercise in positive communication.
- is NOT a discussion to problem solve, it is a discussion to open your hearts to each other.
- intention is to deepen intimacy and deepen emotional understanding
The Listening Door is simple to do:
Choose a topic that you need or your partner want to share your feelings about. Stick to this topic.
Assume these roles:
- One person Opens the Door, slowly, at their own pace, telling their own story, talking about him or herself.
- The other person Listens at the Door, listening politely at the door, does not barge in, does not interrupt, but waits to be invited in
The person who Opens the Door:
- Reads the Yeats poem first. Especially the part about “Tread softly for you tread on my dreams.”
- Discusses the topic, talks about himself, using “I” statements, without blaming the partner or anyone else, allowing the softer emotions and hopes and dreams to emerge from beneath the harder emotions of anger and distrust
The person who Listens at the Door, helps his or her partner to:
Keep the Door Open by:
- NOT trying to solve the problem
- engaging in polite listening
- seeking to understand, not be understood
- NOT getting defensive, this makes it about him or her self
- ALLOWING the person to talk without interrupting
- TAKES in the meaning without taking things personally
ASKS NON-INFLAMMATORY, open ended, deepening questions, such as:
- How do you feel about this?
- What does this mean to you?
- Is there anything else?
Remember you are treading on your partner’s dreams. Speak and act with care. I close with good wishes for you and your loved ones.
If you are needing some individual help, please contact me at my website birthtouch.com where I offer my original books, individualized coaching calls and online courses.

I really like this idea of a listening door! It’s a great way to open communication with your spouse, and not have to feel like you’re being judged or rushed along. I think this should be practiced for all couples, but not only that, with children as well! I’m going to be sharing this on google plus and twitter! #SITSBlogging
KalleyC recently posted..Choosing Love over Hate
This is absolutely brilliant. Definitely useful with partners in romance, but also useful in any relationship…. I’m a poet, so including Yeats sings to me even before the rest of the blog post.
This is going up on my social networks, too. I feel happier just reading it to myself.
(Our society longs for higher quality listening. You’ve given the gift of a tool to many to make it a more loving world. THANK YOU!)
Julie Jordan Scott recently posted..Let Your Words Flow: “Be an Opener of Doors.” Ralph Waldo Emerson – Prompts & More for Your Inspiration
Hi Julie! Many thanks for your kind reply! I had to make a simple exercise to help couples in my counseling office! Many of the marriage counseling courses teach such unnecessarily complex ones! And people are so emotionally charged during these sessions anyway, so better to be simple and bring love into the room. Thanks for stopping by!
A fantastic post. We can loose our way in our relationships or stop communicating well so this is a great way to do that.
Over from SITS sharing some comment love. #SITSBlogging
Kate recently posted..Boxy make-up bag and slim pencil case
I had to make a simple exercise to help couples in my counseling office! Many of the marriage counseling courses teach such unnecessarily complex ones! And people are so emotionally charged during these sessions anyway, so better to be simple and bring love into the room. Thanks for stopping by!
What a beautiful concept! I am going to try this! 🙂 #SITSblogging
Julie recently posted..Free Valentine’s Day Gift for You!
Hi Julie! I had to make a simple exercise to help couples in my counseling office! Many of the marriage counseling courses teach such unnecessarily complex ones! And people are so emotionally charged during these sessions anyway, so better to be simple and bring love into the room. Thanks for stopping by!
This is such an insightful and comprehensive technique in open communication. So many of us are superficial or so rushed that we forget to go deeper and listen to our partners. This is a great exercise for showing love and appreciation. Active listening at it’s finest. #SitsBlogging Thanks for your visit also.
KiaC. recently posted..A Letter To Single Moms Of An Autistic Child: I Know You’re A Warrior, But It’s Okay To Be Afraid (from a mom who’s scared SHITLESS everyday)
thanks so much for your reply! you rock!