For the American Psychological Association’s Blog Party for Mental Health Month, I decided to write about being bullied as an adult.

Eleven years ago, we stretched our budget and moved to our nice neighborhood with a good school system.

My husband & I drive a Chrysler and a Ford.

Into the ground, by the way…a car needs to be downright WORN OUT for us to buy a new one.

(outright GREEN of us, egad!)

Lots of people in the neighborhood drive, well, foreign cars.

And we don’t have a new kitchen. What we have is perfectly fine.

(considering the statistics on hunger in America, I figure we are good to go).

When I moved in, I wanted to fit in with a group of people.

Like most people, I wanted some friends.

My son was in second grade (he’s now 17).

I thought, well, let’s be friendly and make some playdates.

I called one woman. She said she was too busy putting in a new kitchen and her son couldn’t come over.

I felt bad, but thought, well, ok, try again with someone else.

I tried to call a few other women over the next few weeks/months.

Same responses, different circumstances.

I felt bad. It hurt. I felt like I was back in junior high school, on the outside looking into the cliques.

It was not easy to be rejected over and over again.

I cried at night. I was confused. What was wrong, anyway?

I was persistent, I volunteered as the class mom, did some other volunteer work.

Finally, I got some truth from the last woman I called.

She told me people here already have enough friends and don’t need anymore.

Ahem, this is New Jersey in the year 2002.

Not Salem in the 1600s.

I persisted, even though I felt bad.

I joined a Women’s Club.

(Maybe I should’ve enlisted to go to Afghanistan instead).

I was invited by one of neighbors up the street to go to a luncheon, She was taking her elderly mother who was visiting from Florida, whom I’ve never met.

It will be fun,she says.

I was happy to be included (finally!)

It was a nice spring day. We walk into the luncheon, and she guides us to our table. Her mother sits down. I sit down.

She quickly walks away to another table, where her friends are.

She takes the last open seat, sits down, and starts laughing.

Let me just say that her mother was a perfectly nice lady for me to have lunch with.

But how would you feel if that happened to you?

I felt bad. I felt alienated.

I cried a lot, those first few years.

And I was an adult, with a strong intact identity and ego.

I empathize with those children and teens who are excluded.

BULLYING HURTS.

One in four women suffers depression at some point in her life.

Geez, wonder why, huh?

What do you think suburban bullying is all about?

How about internalized sexism?

How about gender socialization?

How about internalized messages of inferiority from birth?

Fight to keep those pervasive sexist messages out of your psyche.

Mental Health is a work in progress, self-respect is hard won, healthy boundaries need to continually be refined and healthy relationships enhance mental health.

Have a Beautiful May and Celebrate Your Mental Health!

Today I sure know who my friends are.

Reference

Holiday, E. and Rosenberg, J.I. (2009). Mean Girls, Meaner Women. 

The mass media has done it again.

Time has added to the negativity and sexism pervading the culture. Instead of supporting good enough mothering, Time is pressuring women to participate in mommy wars.

Don’t give in to internalized sexism.

Don’t let them fuel the flames of mommy wars.

Happy Mother’s Day to all those good enough moms & families.

Did you know May is Maternal Mental Health Month?

Why doesn’t Time print that?

Well, lots of us women bloggers have.

One in four women suffers depression at some point in her life. And the time around the childbearing year is when a woman is more likely to suffer depression than at any other time in her life (Nonacs, 2006). Ruta Nonacs, MD (2011), editor-in-chief of Massachusetts General Hospital’s Center of Women’s Mental Health’s website estimates annually in the US about 950,000 to 1,000,000 mothers suffer from depression either during or after childbirth every year, out of a total of about 4 million birthing mothers.

Is Time is determined to help make that statistic go up and be one in three women, eh?

There are effective treatments for depression and postpartum depression. Sadly, the World Health Organization (WHO, 2012) estimates less than 25 % of persons affected by depression receive any treatment at all.

WHO (2012) says social stigma associated with mental illness (simply put, shame), lack of personal resources and the lack of trained clinicians are the top barriers to receiving proper treatment.

So, think about that, only about 25% of those moms actually seek and receive help for perinatal depression. So many women cope all alone, managing their very real emotional pain while in the at the same time coping with an infant.

 Fight to keep those pervasive sexist messages out of your psyche.

Have a Beautiful May and Celebrate Mother’s Day!

ISTOCK/digitalskillet

Bill, Kathy & Will Skiing in Sugarbush, Vt 2012

Post your blog for Maternal Mental Health Awareness Month below and grab the badge!

Dr. Lucy Puryear, President of Postpartum Support International (PSI), announced in May 2011 that May has been designated as National Maternal Mental Health Awareness Month. An increasing number of states and counties have designated May as a time to bring awareness to maternal mental health.

Wendy Davis, PhD, Postpartum Support International’s Executive Director, says ” It fills my heart to see so many communities raising awareness about maternal mental health and perinatal mood disorders. When I had postpartum depression and anxiety, I was already a psychotherapist and still I had no idea that I was depressed! I thought I was not “meant to be a mom,” and I suffered with that misperception. With awareness campaigns, we are bringing the subject of pregnancy, postpartum and post-loss mental health out of the shadows, reducing shame and encouraging people to reach out for help.”

Postpartum Support International (PSI) uses the wonderful slogan,

“Speak Up When You’re Down”

originally created by the state of New Jersey

to help families speak up and ask the questions they need to ask and get the help they need during this transformative time of life.

In recognition of NMHAM, the insurer Cigna developed the Healthy Pregnancies, Healthy Babies® program for their members. This program includes screening for stress and depression during pregnancy, the week following birth and then again three weeks after the birth.

Visit the Postpartum Support International website to find the warmline support phone line number or to get information about perinatal mood disorders.

Wendy Davis, Executive Director of PSI, announced the beginning of NMHAM to the PSI volunteer network last week with some videos posted on the PSI You Tube channel.

Please enjoy the video by Wade Bowen called Turn on the Lights from his album If We Ever Make It Home

This song was written after his wife suffered from postpartum depression and it is about his family’s experiences with the illness. He generously has turned this into a benefit for Postpartum Support International.

You are not alone.

Pick up the phone.

Call the International PSI Toll Free Warmline  1-800-994-4773

Happy, Healthy May and Mother’s Day to all of you!

I want to start this article off with the disclaimer. I am not writing this article to make anyone feel guilty about their personal decisions or circumstances surrounding about infant feeding methods. I’m just giving a personal account about something that helped me more than I can describe in words and is a big part of my emotional life and thought processes on a daily basis, even if I don’t directly talk about it.

This weekend, I had the pleasure of exhibiting at the La Leche League of the Garden State’s Annual Conference: Celebrating 50 Years in New Jersey. I wanted to exhibit at this conference as a way of giving back to this organization. La Leche League of New Jersey provided me with invaluable social and breast-feeding support during one of my most painful periods of transition in my life.

Today, I want to publicly thank the organization and the individuals who helped me in my transition to motherhood.

In 1994, when I was a new mother and learning how to breast-feed, I felt very alone. My sister had breast-fed her daughter, but my sister lived in Florida (I am in New Jersey)! None of my neighbors were breast-feeding. I was a 37-year-old career woman with a newborn, I had never babysat when I was younger, in fact I’d never changed a diaper. So I was woefully uneducated about infant care. I had confidence in myself as an emotionally stable person, but nothing (nothing) in my life prepared me for the emotional and physical demands of caring for a newborn.

The supportive structure of La Leche League, the monthly meetings, the kind and welcoming leaders, the social support, got me through a very difficult time. Words don’t really describe how hard it is to be feeling alone with a newborn (even though I have a wonderfully supportive husband). I found La Leche League Hackettstown, NJ and attended the meetings. To this day, I hold that circle of women in my psyche as a remembrance of a circle of security for me. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

La Leche League is a wonderful intervention regarding infant care. La Leche League normalizes the demands of infant attachment needs. La Leche League says “Pick the baby up” as a normal way of parenting. La Leche League says “Sleep when the baby sleeps” as a way of caring for yourself. La Leche League says “It is not easy to breast-feed, if you wish to be successful at this, you need support” and they provide this support, if you’d like it. LLL is a positive, influential organization that is now an integral part of America’s social fabric.

I had the immense pleasure of meeting Mary Ann Kerwin, JD, at this conference this weekend.  I have tears in my eyes as I read her biography on the LLL website.

Ms. Kerwin says her initial experience with breastfeeding was not easy. In the US in 1956, she says, breastfeeding was a dying art . She received help from her sister-in-law, Mary White.

Soon after, she joined forces with Mary White and soon seven women were working together to support new mothers with breast-feeding.

Imagine that, a core group of seven women started the international organization La Leche League. How inspiring!

Ms. Kerwin served actively for La Leche League for 45 years. In the meantime, spurred on by an interest in legal aspects of breast-feeding, Ms. Kerwin became a lawyer, specializing in family matters and serving as an expert witness involving breast-feeding issues. She currently spearheads legislation in Colorado regarding breast-feeding issues. She has accomplished a lot in her lifetime. What a dynamo!

And thank you, as you directly positively impacted my and my family’s lives.

I also had the pleasure of meeting Judith Gilbert from Glassboro, NJ, an active member of La Leche League. She is an LLL Leader with the Glassboro group and Associate Events Department Coordinator for the 2012 conference. She is consistently active in World Breastfeeding Week, concentrating on raising funds to help families with their goals. Ms. Gilbert is a participant in the World Alliance for Breast-feeding Action Quilt. She tirelessly works in support of women and families and has volunteered countless hours as a community advocate. Another dynamo!

I had the good fortune of being with these women for a bit at the conference and this is a picture of me with Judith Gilbert and Mary Ann Kerwin, JD.

Thank you to La Leche League, a positive community intervention for women and families.

Read about their efforts to provide support to women and families in need.

Click here to read the research review.

Leave comments on the Lamaze blog to let us know how you feel about this!

Take care,

I am honored and hope that I can do a good job for Lamaze International for the month of April as their Guest Community Manager for the Science and Sensibility.

Stop in here and take a look at my introduction and the the happenings over at Science and Sensibility for the month of April!

thanks!

Take care,

Did you know that women are twice as likely to suffer a mood disorder than men, and this risk of depression begins at puberty? Women’s moods are influenced by biological, psychological and social factors. Are you at risk?

Join us on Tuesday evening and learn more ! Read below for some insight into what feeds into a mood disorder and what can be done to manage it. You are not alone, you are not to blame, with help you will feel better. Click here for a detailed discussion of perinatal mental health.

You have been in the workforce for many years, building a career. There have been some disillusions along the way. You notice that there are more men than women at your office. And being part of a mostly male management team is not so easy. There’s a football pool, which you try to participate in, but you don’t know much about football. And for lunch, sometimes a group will go down the street to the city’s nearest strip bar. One night, when your team is staying late at work to help solve a problem, you notice that one of women’s blouse is wet. She recently had a baby, and is breastfeeding. Her breasts are leaking; she needs to pump her milk. But she keeps on working, acting as if nothing is wrong. Things are not what they really taught you about in school. You wonder what this workforce is really all about. You think, did I sign up for this? How will I fit a child into my life?

You have some ambivalence about having a child. You think about how scary it felt to be a small child and to hear your parents fighting. You say to yourself, it will be different for me; we don’t fight! You’ve been married for a few years, you and your husband are simpatico, and you’re anxious to get your family started.

And then, there you are, excited and happy to be pregnant. But, as you time goes on, there are some worries gnawing at you. And the worries seem to intrude more and more on your everyday thoughts; at night, your mind takes on a life of its own. You are concerned about what type of parent you will be, you feel as if you’ve no concrete training in this monumental endeavor. You lay awake at night wondering if you are too selfish to be a mom. After all, you have been working in the corporate world for many years. You wonder if you can sort through all the information about babies and parenting. Which products are safe? It’s awful to hear about the contaminants in plastics , and your baby will be using those things!

As you wonder about what type of parent you will be, maybe flashbacks from your childhood are suddenly making an appearance, things you have not thought about in a long time. The sound of your father’s loud voice, the ugly scenes that occurred after he’d been drinking, the feeling of hiding under your bed as the house reeled with anger. You try to push these thoughts away, but you are not successful. Why are they coming back now, you think angrily.

Current research does not show a clear picture of all the factors as to why women suffer from perinatal mood disorders. It seems that a convergence of biological, psychological and social – biopsychosocial – factors play a role in the intensification of anxiety and mood disorders during the childbearing year. Click here for a detailed list of risk factors. In other words, it is likely that past personal issues, hormonal changes and stressors from your current situation can create a vulnerability to mood disorders in the childbearing year.

Some self-help ways to manage anxiety is to practice relaxation every day for 20 minutes a day. Relaxation is an acquired skill. You can catch small pockets of stress-reduction time during the day and just breathe quietly and calmly. But it is a real treat to yourself if you go to a quiet place, relax your body, picture your baby happily ensconced in your womb and let yourself breathe easy, slow breaths.

If you need some help relaxing, downloading or creating your own MP3 track of guided imagery is a nice option. Studies show that just eight weeks of relaxation practice makes huge difference in anxiety levels. An easy prenatal yoga practice is another great stress reducer. Expressive journaling can help relieve stress. It is also wise to set up a postpartum support plan, so you will have help after the baby comes. It is a good idea to budget some funds for some postpartum help. I have created the BirthTouch® Postpartum Plan Form, which you can see here, with lots of good supportive self-care measures you can incorporate into your birth plan. Remember a good postpartum doula can help you get some sleep, which will help you have a balanced emotional state. Click here for an article about postpartum doulas. Having a plan will give you and your family an agreed upon blueprint to follow when you are not feeling well.

If you are experiencing extreme anxiety that intrudes on your life, panic attacks, or unpleasant flashbacks, then see your doctor immediately. S/he can determine if you need medication. Get a referral to a good therapist. Befrienders Worldwide is a great referral resource. So is Postpartum Support International.

Gregg D. Jacobs, Ph.D. (2001), reviewed several hundred studies and concluded the relaxation response and mindbody interventions are clinically effective in the treatment of many health problem exacerbated by stress. Dr. Jacobs (2001) found the clinical research concluded complementary care therapies lower blood pressure, reduce the risk of heart disease, reduce anxiety and depression, boost the immune system, are useful in fall prevention, and have virtually no side effects. Of course, these therapies are not intended to replace regular care by a medical doctor, but are to be used as preventative and adjunctive care.

It took a few months for the community members to learn about and then use the services, but once the word was out, the programs filled. There would easily be 30 people at the Monthly Community Reiki Share. The Singing Bowls program brought in 60 people. Imagine sixty people at a community event like singing bowls in a large auditorium. World Qi Gong Day event brought in 100 people to do qi gong outdoors, creating and riding the wave of healing qi going around the world.

The Reiki program was a volunteer effort, so it was totally free. I mean, realistically, my budget wouldn’t even cover what ibuprofen costs the hospital for twenty people. (So what’s with the cost of ibuprofen on hospital premises, anyway? Oh…that’s another blog post.)

Back to mindbody therapies….Numerous research studies have shown that complementary care therapies such as yoga, qi gong, tai chi, guided imagery, meditation, and energy therapies improve the quality of life of persons with health challenges. A small sampling of the studies follows. There are many more.

Meditation Studies

Diane Reibel and her associates (2001) in a study of a heterogeneous patient population practicing Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction (MBSR), found improvement on all indices, including vitality and pain reduction. Ramita Bonadonna (2003) found the practice of MBSR reframes discomfort and generalized malaise. Nicola MacKay and her colleagues (2004) found that, after a Reiki treatment, there is a significant decrease in heart rate and diastolic blood pressure in their research subjects. Larry Scherwitz and his colleagues (2005) found that Interactive Guided Imagery® was helpful in a heterogenous patient population in managing anxiety and depression.

In an interesting analysis of pain remediation, Catherine Kerr and her colleagues (2007) describe how chronic pain causes alterations in the target sensory areas of the brain. Kerr proposes that attentive relaxation during mindfulness meditation or Reiki, produces beneficial alterations in the sensory areas of the brain, helping to ease and manage the chronically stressed cortical map.

Yoga and Tai Chi

Lee Lipton (2008), in a systematic review of the extant research on yoga, found multiple positive benefits to patients with health challenges as diverse as cardiovascular illness, cancer, ADHD, anxiety, and chronic pain. Steven Wolf and his colleagues (1996), in a study of 200 seniors sponsored by the National Institute of Aging (NIA) found that fifteen (15) weeks of Tai Chi reduced their risk of falling by 48%. Later studies have validated the results about Tai Chi multiple times, including the recent study by Taylor- Piliae and her colleagues in 2006.

Anyway, the point of this is, is self-care is important, and there are studies that indicate that if you make small changes to your life, it can go a long way, on different levels.

The over-use and over-prescribing of pain medication could be mitigated if there were more support from the medical community for these research based mindbody practices. The hospital where I worked decided to cut the very low cost MindBody program. But you don’t have to cut common sense care out of your life.

#OccupyHealthCare – you own healthcare and notice the many positive steps you can take your well-being into your own hands.

What are some of the ways you brought healing into your life?